


Too Important to Say Nothing

by Ashley Ω Nova (AshleyOmegaNova)



Series: Works Inspired by Sylvain and Felix's non-Azure Moon Ending [2]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Closeted Character, Denial of Feelings, Implied Sexual Content, Love Confessions, M/M, Minor Original Character(s), Queer Themes, Self-Acceptance, Self-Denial, Self-Hatred, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-25
Updated: 2020-01-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:01:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22392958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshleyOmegaNova/pseuds/Ashley%20%CE%A9%20Nova
Summary: The war is over, and Felix is leaving. Before he goes, though, he has something important to admit to Sylvain. Unbeknownst to him, it's something Sylvain has been waiting to hear for a long time. There's just one problem: Sylvain is a self-loathing philandering coward, who causes pain to everyone unfortunate enough to fall for him.This work is a variation on Sylvain and Felix's non-Azure Moon ending.
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier
Series: Works Inspired by Sylvain and Felix's non-Azure Moon Ending [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1607110
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30





	1. Two Roads

Deep breaths, in and out. That was all Felix could do to stay centered. If he wasn't careful, he'd get in his own head like he always does. Fighting was easy for Felix; life and death is decided so quickly, he never has time to think. He tried to treat talking the same way, but with certain subjects, he couldn't help himself.

How many times had he cut himself off, over the years? He couldn't possibly count. He'd never gotten more than a couple words in, though, of that he was sure. Even now, it felt as if every fiber of his being was screaming at him to just run away without saying anything. But he had to try; this was his last chance, and it was too important to say nothing.

As he approached the door, his senses dulled. The only sound he could hear was a quick, rhythmic thumping, pulsing in his head. He took one last deep breath and knocked. The moment he did, everything went silent.

Dying on the battlefield would have been better than this, he thought to himself.

There was no immediate reaction. What felt like minutes passed, though in truth it was only seconds. Felix knocked again.

"Sylvain! Are you there?"

"... Yeah? Felix, what's up?"

"We need to talk."

"Can it wait? Now's not... I'm kinda beat. Tomorrow?"

"It's now or never."

"... Alright, one sec."

A good 20-30 seconds passed with no response.

"Sylvain—"

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" The door opened as if to punctuate his reply. It opened only a third of the way, and Sylvain peeked his head out from behind. His hair was a mess, his face red, the buttons on his shirt misaligned. "What's wrong, Felix?"

"Sylvain, I..." Felix stopped. His perception may have been so clouded by nerves as to gloss past Sylvain's dishevelment, but even he couldn't miss the porcelain white bra on the ground behind Sylvain. As everything clicked into place for Felix, an intense mix of emotions dyed his face red. He glared into Sylvain's eyes, then turned away dramatically. "... I'm leaving. I'm going to be a mercenary."

"What?! Felix, what are you—"

"I decided it the moment we abandoned Faerghus." Both men fell silent. Felix swallowed hard. "... You won't have to deal with me, anymore. Goodbye, Sylvain."

"Felix, wait! Felix!" Sylvain called out to Felix as the latter marched away, but received no acknowledgement.

Sylvain was stunned. Sure, he could tell Felix felt guilty about his choices in the war, but not returning home? And now Sylvain's antics had made the situation so, _so_ much worse.

His mind was racing, his vision blurring. He saw himself standing with two roads stretched out before him, leading in opposite directions, each terrifying in their own way. One in which he accepted his fate, got back into bed, and resigned himself to maybe never seeing Felix again. The other...

"... Damn it." Sylvain made his choice. He closed the door and rushed back to the pile of clothes on the ground, fishing out his pants and wrestling them on. Chasing Felix down in a shirt and underwear seemed unwise on multiple levels.

"Sylvain, what's going on?" The naked woman in Sylvain's bed, a soldier the philanderer had offered to "celebrate the war's end" with, was understandably confused at these sudden developments. 

"Justine, something's come up. I'm gonna have to call it a night. Do you think you could see yourself out? I've gotta go." Sylvain was already fastening his belt at this point. He'd never gotten dressed this fast in his life.

"You brought me here just to abandon me, and won't even have the courtesy to explain why?"

"Because I haven't got time to play this game, anymore. The person I was planning to spend the rest of my life with is about to _walk out_ of my life if I don't do something." Fully dressed (or at least full enough), he made for the door again.

"Game?! The rest of your..." The girl's eyes went wide with shock, then narrowed with anger. "And yet you—! Sylvain! You didn't say anything about having someone like that! I should have listened to the rumors about you, you're a pig!"

Sylvain looked down as he stepped through the door. "Yeah. I am a pig."


	2. Why Am I Like This?

An hour passed, and then before Sylvain had realized it, another. He'd scoured every inch of the monastery, and found no sign of Felix. Exhausted, he stood at the door to his room without ever consciously deciding to return.

"Please don't still be here." He opened the door slowly, bracing himself. But fortunately for him, the room was dark and empty.

He collapsed back onto his bed and stared at the ceiling.

"Why am I like this...?" Full of so much self-loathing, Sylvain wasn't even sure what he was asking. Sylvain had always hated everything about himself, but right now it was on a whole other level. For starters, why did he treat women like this, when even he hated himself for it?

He began walking through his grievances, as though searching for an answer he already knew, but was too scared to acknowledge directly. "Yeah, I treat women horribly. But they treat me like all I'm good for is passing on my crest. Like I'm a studhorse. That's what they see when they look at me... right? Well... either way, I'll be forced into an arranged marriage with one of those women, with no regard for how I feel." Sylvain grimaced, feeling sick to his stomach. "I'm supposed to marry someone I don't love, because of this crest. This crest is all I am to anyone. Sure, I've met a few people like the professor who've seen past my crest. But to most of the army, I'm just a louse with a crest. To my brother, I was just a spoiled brat, born with a silver spoon in my mouth. To my father... all that matters is I pass on my crest." Tears welled up in his eyes, bitterness seeping into his voice. "What I want doesn't matter; I'm Sylvain the Studhorse. And if that's all people want from me, then how else am I supposed to live?! This is how I'm supposed to be! I'm..."

He caught himself just short of spiraling into despair. This self-destructive way of thinking had been strangling him his whole life. The past half-a-decade had given him a lot to think about, but tonight especially was proving eye opening. What good was being how he was 'supposed' to be if he still hated himself for it? If it caused this much misery, not just to him and to so many girls, but to...

"... The only one who cared about me for _me_ from the beginning, all the way 'til now..."

He sighed.

"... Felix..."

It's not as if Sylvain couldn't have predicted that kind of reaction from Felix. Offering to pick up girls had long become Sylvain's go-to whenever he felt uncomfortable with his feelings—which was very often—and Felix always reacted predictably. But tonight? The contempt in Felix's eyes when he glared at him. The hurt on his face. That was all much more than Sylvain was ready for. The fact was, the deeper into his self-destructive playboy persona Sylvain sank, the deeper he'd been dragging Felix down with him. And this may have finally been rock bottom.

"I'm such a mess..." He sat up and put his face in his hands. "Damn it, Felix." Unfortunately, even if he wanted to change, it seemed he was too late. Sylvain thought he'd been fast to pursue him, but there wasn't a sign of Felix anywhere. It's like he'd stormed right from Sylvain's room to the monastery's nearest gate.

He side-eyed his door. A thought occurred to Sylvain. "... Was he already packed?" Felix hadn't even been carrying a sword on him.

A second wind came suddenly to Sylvain. He leapt up and hurried down the hallway.


	3. Now or Never

He only had to wait around the corner for around ten minutes. For better and for worse—and tonight, it had been both—Sylvain's timing had always been incredible. But there Felix was, returning back to his own room. Just as Sylvain thought, Felix didn't have anything on him. He'd stormed right out, just wanting to get away.

"We need to talk, Felix." The moment Felix opened his door, Sylvain's fast approaching voice had frozen him in place.

Felix turned to him. "Leave me alone, Sylvain. I have packing to do." Felix stepped through the door and tried to shut it behind him, but Sylvain slammed his hand against it.

He pushed the door open and followed inside, closing it behind him. "Not a chance, Felix. Like you said earlier, it's now or never."

Felix gave him a bitter look. "I have nothing to say to you."

"Felix, I sent that girl home the moment you left. I've spent the whole night looking for you."

His face darkened red with a vortex of emotion, again. "You're insatiable, you know that?! It's like you never consider..."

"Never consider what?"

"Forget it."

"Felix, how long do you plan on doing this? You get mad every time, but you never tell me how you really feel. Am I just supposed to sit and wait forever?"

Felix found himself stepping back as Sylvain approached him. There was a seriousness in his eyes that Felix had never seen head-on like this. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"I'm not in the mood to play dumb tonight, Felix."

He stepped back until he was met by the wall. Felix found himself cornered. "... What do you want from me?" Sylvain pressed his hand to the wall by Felix's head.

"I want you to tell me how you really feel."

The red in Felix's face was taking on a brighter hue. He couldn't meet Sylvain's eyes anymore. "It sounds like you already know."

"I want to hear it from you. Do you remember not too long ago, when I took you to dinner while you were deciding whether or not you wanted to tell me something? 'You're always...' Well, you never told me. I thought I'd be able to let it go like every other time. But it's been echoing in my mind nonstop, since then. Please, tell me what you were going to say."

"You still remember that, huh?" Felix grumbled. He closed his eyes. Even seeing Sylvain's face even in his periphery was too much, now. "... You're always there when I need you, and pushing me away when I want you. You'll constantly put yourself in harm's way to protect me, whether it's on or off the battlefield. Then when I try to show a little warmth for it, you act like it was nothing—like it _meant nothing_ —and resume prattling on about women! It drives me crazy! Because..."

"Because what?"

He opened his eyes and looked straight at the man in front of him. "... Because I love you, Sylvain."

Felix watched Sylvain for a reaction. Much like it had earlier in the night, seconds seemed to stretch into minutes to him. And then he noticed it. Sylvain's eyes were starting to tear up. Then a soft sob, loosing some of those tears to stream down his cheeks. Of the million responses Felix had imagined, this was not one of them.

"... If you're feeling guilty at the thought of rejecting me, it's not necessary. I won't be here tomorrow, anyway."

Sylvain wiped at his tears. "Felix, come on. That's not it at all. Do you really think I'd go this far if I didn't feel the same?"

Felix's eyes went wide. "You mean...?"

To Felix's shock, Sylvain pressed a kiss into his lips. The orange-haired boy shone with the most genuinely happy smile to ever grace his face. "I love you too, Felix. I've loved you as long as I can remember. I'm done running from these feelings. I'm sorry my cowardice has hurt you for so long, but I don't want to hurt you ever again."

As a child, Felix was known to be a bit of a crybaby—a fact Sylvain would never let him forget, since it was Sylvain he'd always go crying to. Felix wasn't the crying sort anymore. But those words quickly had him bawling like they were children all over again. Sylvain ran a hand through his hair, comforting him.

"There's a reason I'm always reminding you of our promise to be together 'til we die. You're the one I want by my side forever, Felix."

"S-Sylvaiiin!" Felix stepped forward, and Sylvain pulled him into his chest, stroking his head. Felix's tears kept coming, years of insecurities and pent up feelings pouring out. The two stayed like this for some time, happy just to have finally proclaimed their love in plain language, and to have had it reciprocated.

But eventually, the tears stopped coming, heralded by Felix pulling himself together enough to threaten, "If you bring this up later, I'll kill you." And while it got a laugh out of Sylvain, it also turned both their thoughts turned to 'later'. To what comes next.

It brought a prolonged hush to the room.

"This doesn't change anything, though." Felix was the one to break the silence. "I'm still abandoning my title. I'm still leaving to be a mercenary." He stepped back. "Because of me, the old man's dream of seeing Dimitri crowned king will never come to pass. I have no place as Duke Fraldarius."

"That's fine by me. That just means I'll be joining you."

"What?"

"How many times do I have to say it? We're staying together 'til we die! Besides, I've wanted to run away from my title my whole life. I was just scared to. Never thought I could make it on my own. But the two of us, together? There'd be nothing to worry about." A goofy grin was plastered across Sylvain's face. "I'd decided that I was coming with you way back when you first stormed off. You should really praise me for thinking so far ahead, you know!" Sylvain's grin shrunk into a confident smirk, one eye closed for good measure.

"Hmph. You really are the biggest fool in all of Fódlan." Felix smiled. "But if you really want to come along..."

"Come on, it's either stay and face an arranged marriage to some woman I'll hate, or follow the guy I love on a romantic journey across Fódlan! It's not exactly a hard choice."

"Mercenary work hardly qualifies as a romantic journey. Go get packed. The sooner we leave, the better."

A mischievous smile danced across Sylvain's lips. "Sure. But before I do..." He brought his face within an inch of Felix's, eliciting a gasp and a blush. He spoke in a husky tone. "I kissed you. Now it's your turn to kiss me." Sylvain closed his eyes and puckered his lips slightly.

"You really don't ever stop. I was right when I called you insatiable." Felix couldn't help but smile, though. Despite the tone of his voice, he couldn't deny it felt exciting to be the target of that insatiableness. Hesitant at first, he leaned in and returned the kiss. And in spite of all the troubles that still weighed upon Felix's heart, it felt light as a feather.

**Author's Note:**

> Sylvain and Felix's Support chain has really rattled around in my head since seeing it. There's a lot to unpack to their relationship, and I tried to do a bit of that unpacking here. Sylvain's supports—especially with Byleth—paint a _very_ interesting picture of his relationship with women. And that consequentially paints an even more interesting picture of his relationship with Felix, whose supports in a vacuum already read like two guys who just could not admit they love each other (but come close more than once). My expectations were low, but I'm really impressed at the real, subtle human depth Three Houses imparts upon its characters; even with someone like Sylvain, who at first blush just appears to be yet another womanizing creep played for comedy, but reads more like an emotionally scarred queer youth the deeper you dig.
> 
> Felix and Sylvain's non-Azure Moon paired ending has really stuck in my craw, and I keep coming back to different ideas for how I feel it should have been handled instead. This is one of those ideas, this time allowing Sylvain to stay as determined to spend his life with Felix as he is throughout the entire rest of the game. Also I let them say the L-word, even though they're two boys in a modern Fire Emblem.
> 
> Anyway, shoutouts to The Sacred Stones for the idea of a boy seeing two roads stretch out in front of him, one with a bad future, another where he finally confesses to the boy he loves. Let it be known, Sachiko Wada and company did it first with Lyon and Ephraim; I'm merely a queer poser trying to reclaim media and turn tragic boys into happily-ever-after boys.


End file.
